A Rose for Thoughts

Words.  Phrases.  Languages.  We revolve our daily lives around our thoughtrs, our feelings, and our actions.  We interact with others, express ourselves in the futility of language.  Certain words exist in some languages while other words are merely explained through concepts and perhaps clusters of similiar words.  And no one can quite deny the fact that there are many things in life that cannot be described with the exactly right words.  Some things are better off being seen with your own eyes, touched with your own hands, tasted with your taste buds, smelled with your own nose, and sensed by your whole being.  Let go of fears.  Absorb in things.  Share with others by experiencing something together.  <3

Today is one of those days that I actually find myself being absolutely L A Z Y and pretty much lie on the comfortable bed all day long, browsing through random websites, having deep discussions and conversations with Holly, and all that…  She sent me a link about the styles of distorted thinking after our conversation about our fears and how they affect our tendency of denying our feelings (which also appears to be a trait commonly found among Virgos).  After reading all the styles, I’ve came to not only mentally pinpointing certain styles to some people I know but also recognize and truly acknowledge one of my flaws: fallacy of change.  Well, it’s actually a combination of fallacy of change and mind reading.  Before I go on, allow me to copy and paste the style of fallacy of change:
 
Fallacy of Change: You expect that other people will change to suit you if you just pressure or cajole them enough. You need to change people because your hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them. The truth is the only person you can really control or have much hope of changing is yourself. The underlying assumption of this thinking style is that your happiness depends on the actions of others. Your happiness actually depends on the thousands of large and small choices you make in your life.

For the rest of other styles of distorted thinking if you’re even interested—here’s the link that Holly sent me: http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/5xgfJh/access.ewu.edu/CAPS/SelfHelp/StressManage/DistortThink.xml?mode=full

 
Although those details described in that style don’t entirely apply to me as I rather find my flaw to be a combination of little of fallacy of change with other things, such as mind reading.  I consider myself as empathic person since I often would put myself in other person’s shoes to try and see their perspectives rather than to assume…however, I am imperfect and do make assumptions once in a while and find myself defending when people correct me.  Ive outgrown that defense mechanism as I get older though.  When I have absolutely no idea of how that person is actually thinking, feeling, or doing—I sometimes would end up assuming the worst and become all defensive in order to protect myself.  This is my flaw that some people unfortunately witnessed, especially when I’m feeling quite emotional or am being out of my comfort zone.  I’ll get into details about my comfort zone in just a bit.
 
As for fallacy of change, the style is a bit exaggerated but I can relate somewhat to it.  Changes are inevitable as people and things change constantly in our lives, including myself.  I can’t stand the idea of being exactly the same over a period of time and would often change my interests, hobbies, looks, and so on to avoid boredom.  However, as for my flaw, I’m referring to those changes that I cannot control—especially those that i do not like.  And for those changes that I don’t like, my flaw’d allow me to become vulnerable, magnify and compare the new and old changes negatively, make expectations and hope for things to go back, and all that.  In general, I’m a happy person and do not depend on others for my happiness…however, that is not always the case.  To this day, I’m still not good at saying goodbyes and probably never will.  People come and go in our lives and Ive learned that ages ago.  But when it comes to those who made huge impact on my life—this is when I have hard time letting go and not wanting changes to happen.  I guess that’s where my comfort zone is at.  When things that are so important to me are changing into ways that I dont like, I’m out of my comfort zone and would feel unstable…I tend to try and shift myself to look into the positive outcomes, however; I’m not always quite accepting to the changes but managed to be just fine because I have other things in my life to keep me distracted and happy.  There are certain times when I cannot look at positive things and be too hard on myself, thus affecting other people.  This is exactly what happened with me during my down points since I left DC.  Now that I know what’s out of my comfort zone, it helps me to reflect all of my past actions and help me understand why I was unstable with emotions and did what I did. 

 
In addition to being off the pills and truly accepting the change of not being with certain people, especially Datrell in my life (and mostly because things have gone back to normal again now), Im okay again.  Shit, I gotta work on this flaw more because I know I will face much more intense changes in my life!  It’s amazing how we’re constantly learning new things about ourselves and today is definitely one of them…! 

On the brighter side, all of this deep thinking and self analyzing, I also discovered that my comfort zone is definitely when I get to do what I want to do…and I almost always see positive things in all situations to make the best out of them.  In a world like this, it’s a total yin and yang so I’m glad I have the strong ability to adapt to pretty much everything.  If I’m to choose an animal to describe myself, I’d pick a chameleon because I’m always changing (in the ways I want to) and can adapt to various situations (getting along with pretty much everyone, trying out things, experiencing different lifestyles, and so on).  And it’s a colorful creature and I like to consider myself as a colorful person!

Oh how wonderful the bubbly feeling of being absolutely content with your life, your friends, and your love is!

The lifestyle of traveling has become accustomed to me now as I cannot imagine returning back home anytime soon.  Right now, I am enjoying a bottle of local Vietnamese wine in a fancy hotel room with a smile on my face…  Hoi An is a colorful little town where Mallory and I find ourselves gawking at and wanting to splurge on all those gorgeous and sexy clothes before hitting the beaches in the southern part of Vietnam!  I look forward to go couchsurfing at different people’s homes for the rest of the trip in this country, especially in Mui Ne and Ho Chi Minh City.  Perhaps Ferdor has something to do with it but that’s a different story that hasn’t begun yet! :)

Life is good. <3